12 December 2004

Kamikaze Typhoon Bettys

Mother, sweet mother,
Please don't discipline your hands.
Just kiss me in the morning,
In your dirtiest pants.

I've beens staring at printed notes of sheep gestation and feed and slaughter weights for more hours then is humanly normal or humane. Death, death to the man that subjugated our ovine brethren. Disgustipated suddenly is playing in my head, go figure. I can hear the screams of the carrots as well, but they're just a bunch of wussy (wimp + pussy) whiners. Go eat some cheese you douches. Speaking of douches, interesting piece of advice. When talking to people not from the U.S. refrain from referring to any person as a douche/douchebag, especially while mercilessly pummeling your liver with toxins (for all you no-brainers, that means drinking). The problem isn't that they don't understand the term douche/douchebag, more the way in which a person is like a douche/douchebag. I think it's just another one of the problems with the english language and slang of any sort. I watched a poor guy and his girlfriend try and explain the usage of douche to a kid from Germany who for the life of himself just couldnt grasp it. He seemed to think that the guy being referred to gave douches to other people, but he couldnt figure out if he sold them or performed them. Oi, the problems. I watched for about 30 minutes and lost interest when Kat came by to bother me at my bartending position. Note to all people throwing parties: never work the bar, or don't have me working the bar, I tend to horde beer for myself and become anal retentive about keeping the beer in a nice pattern and the table clean. I'm such a nerd, luckily certain Greek chicas dig this sort of thing.
I said it once before, and I'll say it again for good measure. I'm completely hot stuff, just not in America or to American women (this is why Guess Who are such badasses). Had I been told about this minor snafu earlier in life, I woulda totally been out of the country sooner. It just makes sense. But in the meantime, my name is Jonas, I'm carrying the wheel. And this has been a look into my ever-altering physical state.

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