6 June 2004

Paradoxes Schmaradoxes

Laid out on the summer lawn we were intangible
Just us on a tuesday
Sun stroke just chasin' away the midnight game
Casting a little too much shame across the smile
Lazed and confused and passed out on the grass
I'm ready for the quieter years of my life

I find it funny how many people feel they need someone, or that someone doesn't truly need them, and by someone i refer to myself because of course this is my own personal playground for the time being anyway. The truth is that I am neither needed nor in need per se, not at least in the sense that anyone or myself can live without myself or anyone. But I will say this. I have numerous friends and acquaintances, I know more about more people than you would know, its another one of my hobbies. Not in the sense that I'm nosy and prod into everyone's life but that should information or stories come my way I will not dismiss it because one never knows when it may be needed (for a good joke about your mom of course). This is not to say that I merely hang out with a number of people to appease myself or them because I'm not what could be referred to as a belonger. In fact the great majority of those with whom I associate are in different social cirlces and I myself merely stand somewhere in there intersection (ven diagram that beeotch). But I have no desire to be unboredified (yes its a word just the OED hasnt accepted it yet, so get off my case) by those that tend to annoy me, even in times where the whole world is seemingly devoid of friends or aquaintances due to their own schedules; rather I would in fact not bother such indivduals and merely find a few good cinematic pieces and a shitload of snacks and pull a few all nighters until I could no longer think. I will stop here for a moment before I make a statement that would be construed as outright offensive and attempt to find a better route of explanation later.
In a like fashion I am neither needed by such people. I've been told to keep my health at mind because I am needed around, or that I should keep in touch in the future because I am needed or something. Some people I feel just don't understand the weight of certain words, and in these aforementioned situations I know for a fact that need is not the proper choice of terms. So for that matter I will talk to those I wish to because I find them enjoyable and enlightening since this is a learning experience for the moment, as I try to find some understanding of the general drive of people; furthermore, even if I do end up in a wheelchair with the nickname "Speedy" it will be on my own terms and with guilt, yes, but not regret. I will never live my life in hope of seeing generation after generation born and all the glory of the future blah, blah, blah. I stopped living for the hope of good days because it is by far the most disappointing of motivations, I live for the small adventures in everyday life that eventually will give way to bigger ones. So don't lecture me on the costs of my habits, my smoking and drinking, my diet and mismanagement of certain things thinking I will change in light of someone's need for me.
And yes I believe I shall skip around a bit and allude to paragraph 1, section 23.47, line 5. Good luck with that one. Anyway, several times it has been brought to my attention in a short time span that females often are confused by teasing. And in some cases this even occurs after they've been informed that it is a form of affection or regard of the highest sort. I think that most women tend to forget that when they have any sort of relationship with a male that rules are put into place by them, but not spoken or written, just the understood type that apparently all men understand and have no problems accepting for the most part. This is all fine and well, because limits are good (accept when diet pepsi is involved). At any rate these rules are somewhat of a guide for the actions and approaches anyone can take, such that for some females signs of affection of any sort are understood to be somewhat of a put off, ie you just dont do it per se because most women cannot discern between friendly signs of affection and other. The other being absolutely not wanted of course. Males are able to adapt to such things then, either you have the Carl's of this world that make unwanted advances, or you have those that merely tend to tease in a more tender approach than they would with male cohorts or those they would rather kick in the junk. This is indeed paradoxical, hence my fancy schmancy title up there looking all spiffy. *ch-ka* Now to your left you'll see our other riverboat pilot, the Cheat, say hello to the Cheat. It's easy to understand the opposite sex, they're both simple-minded, sexually driven creatures. The problem is they just have their individual quirks.
Personally I like the freaks, the quirky non-run-of-the-mill people that are more generous to each other and more compassionate to one another than they can afford. Those are my people, if I could be fortunate enough to have a people because apparently the Amazons don't want me. And if I blather on til 4 o'clock in the morning, it's usually not because a person is there listening, (more often it's because I'm hearing voices) it's probably because it's a really interesting discussion with a totally awesome individual or set of individuals. I could be wrong, though.
I suppose this was somewhat of an ADD sort of entry at best and is also completely reactionary, which is a pet peeve of mine (hey I'm breakin down the barriers y'all), but I hate when people doubt me. As I've mentioned I'm not religious, nor do I plan on becoming such, nor am I very spiritual, but I do feel faith is important, faith in oneself. And if you cannot accomplish that than have faith in someone that knows you well enough to see past all the faults to all the good. But whatever, I'll do what I want. Who said my blog wasn't totally random and witty?
(in the future Im really gonna try and steer clear from explaining myself, it only hurts my brain more)

A tad bit of wisdom: "People here make a point of keeping track of their objects, but anything really important stays with you." -Cyril

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